1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
