What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
