i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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