Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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