2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
