Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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