i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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