oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
