I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've blown a few things in my day
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
