Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
