Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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