I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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