I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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