I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize