You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
