Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
