they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
