Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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