Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
