Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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