I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
