OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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