honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just want nice things and good sex
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
