I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
