I think I died a long time ago.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
