I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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