your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
