btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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