I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
