the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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