I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
