I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
