then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize