i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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