I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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