dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize