I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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