I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
