I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
