he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
