i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
