I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
