I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
