Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
