none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize