making cat noises will not fix the situation.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
