he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
