i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
