I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
