I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
