wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
