You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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