I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just cropdusted the office
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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