I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
