I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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