I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
