k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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