maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
