he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
