tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
