I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
