when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
