Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
