There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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