Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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