So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
