i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize