So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
