I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
