yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
